this is a free write.

just dusting off the cobwebs...

this is a free write.

this is a free write.

this is a free write.

this is a free write.

this is mine.

i have not felt like writing. i have not felt like scrolling substack. i have not felt like sitting still.

the past couple of weeks have been difficult as hell.

they have taken every opportunity to be my 13th reason.

a rejection on a grant, i’d hope would be my curatorial debut.

a break up. i’d imagined ending in a different distant lifetime. instead amicably choosing friendship over romance. (and please respect our privacy at this time. hehe but forreal).

a rejection on a job.

a rescinded vindication i was moving and there was nothing that could stop me.

until it did. (at least for now).

delete the wedding pintrest boards. close the 4 trulia tabs. close the zillow tab. swipe past the facebook rentals groups. ghost follow up emails and texts about showings. cancel job alerts.

start new pintrest tab, call it ‘new apartment 3.0’. create new playlist, call it ‘this weeek in vibes’.

my friends, outsiders looking in, predicting the inevitable.

the past few weeks have humbled me in every single way.

in all my preparation, i didn’t actually prepare for this part.

but in the midst of the chaos,

i feel like i’ve followed through on more plans with friends. thank you christina, thank you whitney, thank you jaron, thank you nikki, thank you sade.

i’ve shown up for my family// talked to my mom more. celebrated a new milestone for my cousins. [congrats to chloe and karter they just found out the gender of their baby sunday]. and i’ve seen my grandparents at least 4x more than i have in the last few months.

i’ve been locked in on work, and cranked out all of my major to-dos.

i’ve prayed much more deeper than i have in months.

my shower concerts have been top tier.

i’ve had difficult convos and asked myself hard things.

i’ve been able to sit with the discomfort better.

i’ve been reading more consistently again.

and i’ve journaled much more honestly than i have in probably the better part of a year.

this must be what it looks like to nurse yourself back.

to recover.

today was not any better or worse than yesterday.

i’m grateful to be ‘just coasting’ today.

not spiraling.

not intellectualizing my feelings instead of just feeling them.

not letting it win today.

i’m proud of that.

there are a million things that i’m thinking about as i type this.

how honest can i be?

how much do i have to / should i consider my audience?

what would currently be the soundtrack of my life?

how much up and down, before i’m far enough removed that the ache quiets and the reminders sting less?

what is the lesson in this season?

what comes next?

what does cori look like 6 months from now? this time next year? three years from now?

where does she live?

who is she with?

is she confident?

anyways… i’m proud of myself for getting this out.

thanks for reading.